BRAVO, ANDY ROONEY!!!!
Right on, Andy Rooney! Andy Rooney said on '60 Minutes' a few weeks back: (for those of you that don't know Andy Rooney, he is an 82-year-old US TV commentator)
I don't think being a minority makes you a victim of anything except numbers.The only things I can think of that are truly discriminatory are things like the United Negro College Fund, Jet Magazine, Black Entertainment Television, and Miss Black America.
Try to have things like the United Caucasian College Fund, Cloud Magazine, White Entertainment Television, or Miss White America, and see what happens. Jesse Jackson will be knocking down your door.
Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.
I believe they are called the Boy Scouts for a reason; that is why there are no girls allowed. Girls belong in the Girl Scouts! ARE YOU LISTENING, MARTHA BURKE?
I think that if you feel homosexuality is wrong, it is not a phobia, it is an opinion.
I have the right "NOT" to be tolerant of others because they are different, weird, or tick me off.
When 70% of the people who get arrested are black, in cities where 70% of the population is black, that is not racial profiling, it is the Law of Probability.
I believe that if you are selling me a milk shake, a pack of cigarettes, a newspaper or a hotel room, you must do it in English! As a matter of fact, if you want to be an American citizen, you should have to speak English!
My father and grandfather didn't die in vain so you can leave the countries you were born in to come over and disrespect ours.
I think the police should have every right to shoot your sorry self if you threaten them after they tell you to stop. If you can't understand the word "freeze" or "stop" in English, see the above lines.
I don't think just because you were not born in this country, you are qualified for any special loan programs, government sponsored bank loans or tax breaks, etc., so you can open a hotel, coffee shop, trinket store, or any other business.
We did not go to the aid of certain foreign countries and risk our lives in wars to defend their freedoms, so that decades later they could come over here and tell us our constitution is a living document and open to their interpretations.
I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor. I know pro wrestling is fake, but so are movies and television. That doesn't stop you from watching them.
I think Bill Gates has every right to keep every penny he made and continue to make more. If it ticks you off, go and invent the next operating system that's better, and put your name on the building. Ask your buddy that invented the Internet to help you. (Al)
It doesn't take a whole village to raise a child right, but it does take a parent to stand up to the kid and smack their little behinds when necessary and say "NO!"
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want them, but please don't pretend they are a political statement. And please, stay home until that new lip ring heals. I don't want to look at your ugly infected mouth as you serve me French fries!
I am sick of "Political Correctness." I know a lot of black people, and not a single one of them was born in Africa; so how can they be "African-Americans"?
Besides, Africa is a continent. I don't go around saying I am a European-American because my great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather was from Europe. I am proud to be from America and nowhere else.
1.) A motorcycle cannot fall over without an audience.
2.) The odds of a motorcycle falling over are directly proportional to the size of the audience and of the owner's ego.(Newness and expense of the bike are contributing factors.)
3.) Motorcycles are to yellow bugs as aircraft carriers once were to Kamikaze pilots.
4.) You will not feel the need to go to the restroom until after you have put on your rainsuit.
5.) The fact that your keys are still in your pants pocket will only become apparent after you have put on your gloves.
6.) Quick fixes are so named for how long they stay fixed.
7.) The only part you really need will also be the only part on permanent backorder.
8.) Nothing is harder to start than a used motorcycle being shown to a prospective buyer.
9.) You will never suffer a punctured tire on the road until you leave the repair kit at home.
10.) "Universal" accessories are so named because that is what you must search to find the bike they fit.
*Midnight Bugs taste Best
*Never pass a bro or sister that is broken down on the side of the road without stopping to help.
*Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they CAN hold everything you need.
*NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench
*Never try to race an old Geezer, he may have one more gear than you.
*Home is where your Harley sits still long enough to leave a few drops of oil on the ground.
*You'll get farther down the road if you learn to use more than two fingers on the front brake.
*Routine maintenance should never be neglected
*It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
*The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
*Never be afraid to slow down.
*Only Bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.
*Harley's don't leak oil; they mark their territory.
*Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
*Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise.
*Pie and Coffee are as important as gasoline.
*Sometimes it takes a whole tankful of gas before you can think straight.
*If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals.You may even have to shave.
*Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
*Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
*Never mistake Horsepower for staying power.
*A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
*A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by placing it in the crotch or between the two cylinders.
*Never do less then Forty miles before breakfast.
*If you don't ride in the rain-you don't ride.
*A Harley on the road is worth 2 in the shop.
*Respect the person who has seen the Dark side of motorcycling and lived.
*Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
*A good wrench will let you watch without charging you for it.
*Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
*Always back your scoot into the curb-and sit where you can see it.
*Work to ride-Ride to work.
*Whatever it is, it's better in the wind.
*Two lane blacktop isn't a highway-it's a mindset.
*When you look down the road, it seems to never end-but you better believe it does.
*A biker can smell a party 2500 miles away.
*Winter is Natures way of telling you to polish.
*A Harley can't sing on city streets.
*Keep your bikes in good repair: riding boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
*People are like Harleys, each is customized a bit differently.
*If the bike ain't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.
*Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
*Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.
*Well-trained reflexes are quicker than luck.
*Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 60 weight motor oil.
*The best alarm clock is sunshine on Chrome.
*Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
*The twisties- not the superslabs- separate the bikers from the squids.
*When you're riding lead--don't spit.
*If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least five cars ahead.
*Don't make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.
*If the person in the next lane at the stoplight rolls up the window and locks the door, support their view of life by snarling at them.
*A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
*If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind--follow her.
*If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
*There's something ugly about a NEW Harley on a trailer.
*Don't lead the pack if you don't know where you're goin'.
*Sleep with one arm thru the spokes and keep your pants on.
*Practice wrenching on your own bike.
*Everyone crashes. Some get back on. Some don't. Some can't.
*Beware the biker who says the bike never breaks down.
*Some bikes run on 99-octane ego.
*Owning 2 bikes is useful because at least one can be raided for parts at any given time.
*You'll know she loves you if she offers to let you ride her bike.
Don't do it and she'll love you even more.
*Don't argue with an 18-wheeler.
*Never be ashamed to unlearn an old habit.
*Maintenance is as much art as it is science.
*A good long ride can clear your mind, restore your faith, and use up a lot of gasoline.
*If the countryside seems boring, stop, get off your bike, and go sit in the ditch long enough to appreciate what was here before the asphalt came.
*If you can't get it goin' with bungee cords and electricians tape-it's serious.
*If you ride like there's no tomorrow-there won't be.
*Bikes parked out front mean good chicken-fried steak inside.
*If you want to complain about the pace being set by the road captain, you better be prepared to lead the group yourself.
*Gray-haired bikers don't get that way from pure luck.
*There are drunken bikers. There are old bikers. There are NO old, drunken bikers.
*Thin leather looks good in the bar, but it won't save you from "road rash" if you go down.
*The best modifications cannot be seen from the outside.
*Always replace the cheapest parts first.
*You can forget what you do for a living when your knees are in the breeze.
*No matter what marquee you ride, it's all the same wind.
*It takes both pistons and cylinders to make a bike run. One is not more important than the other.
*Patience is the ability to keep your motor idling when you feel like stripping your gears.
*Never lie, cheat, or steal. Make your word your bond.
*If the destination is more important than the journey you are not a biker.
*Your three piece suit are Chaps, Leather Vests & a Leather Jacket.
*You think God invented winter so you can get the bike ready for Daytona.
*You carry a picture of your bike in your wallet.
*Any day you ride is a good day.
*Your other vehicle is a truck with motorcycle ramps in it.
*You get hit by a Taxi in N.Y.C., slide 80 yards & ride the bike home 30 miles with a factured hip.
*You can tell what kind of bugs they are by the taste of them.
*Your coffee table collapses from the weight of motorcycle magazines on it.
*You throw a party and more bikes show up than cars.
*Your kids take a motorcycle chain to Show & Tell.
*Your girl asks you if you can move the bike so she ccan watch the t.v. better.
*You ever bought saddlebags so you can carry more beer.
*Your girl follows you to the party with the car so you can take more beer.
*Your best friends are named after animals.
*Taking your girl on a cruise means puttin down the highway.
*Your best shoes have steel toes.
*You quit your job to go to Daytona.
*You have motorcycle parts in the dishwasher.
*Your idea of jewelry is chains & barbwire.
*You have your bike torn apart in your living room.
*Sturgis is your dream vacation.
*The plumber won't come back to replace the heater till you roll those damn bikes to the other end of the basement & drain the gas out of themso he can weld the pipes.
*You're only sunburned on the back of your hands.
*You carry around a crushed beer can in the case of soft tar when you park the bike.
*You know from painful experience why you dont carry your wallet in your back pocket.
*You pull your bike into the motel room & use a bath towel to wipe it off.
*You call someone a wimp because they have a Blister on their thumb.
*Return home from a long run & pass right by your house.
*Your girl friend has to climb over the bike to do the laundry in the basement.
*You know how many teeth are on your rear sprocket & how much torque to use on your head bolts.
*You started a BBQ with a welding torch.
*You don't think its a good party till someone rides his or her bike in & does doughnuts in the living room.
*You have a refrigerator in your garage just for beer.
*Think Tequilia is a Sex Aide.
*You wake up next to your girl & your first thought is if your bike will start.
*Your kids learn to ride on the back of your bike before they can walk.
*Your garage has more square footage than your house.
*All your ashtrays are pistons from your last engine rebuild.